I’ve really never been one for rollercoasters, but honestly that has nothing to do with this what I want to say, so let me get to the point.
I’ve noticed in the last few weeks that I feel exhausted. This exhaustion feels different, though. I know what it’s like to feel completely worked after a long ride. This isn’t like that. I know what it’s like to have full, productive days and collapse at the end of them. Nope, not like that either. I am emotionally drained.
I have been allowing my happiness to ebb and flow with the tides of a project I’ve been working on. The Kitchen Project, LLC will be a cooperative commercial kitchen space available to small food businesses and start-ups. I have spent hours upon hours dreaming and scheming the possibilities for retail, cold storage, classes and workshops, greenhouses and pickle barrels, love and community! And then there’s bureaucracy, economics, grapevines, loopholes, chains of command, and reality.
I believe that I have a good thing going here. With that confidence, I follow every lead with open arms and an even open-er heart. They don’t always play out, (OK, so far none of them have…at least not to completion) so I’m left feeling completely defeated, demoralized, like a failure. I consider giving up. It seems to affect my whole being.
After the most recent wave of possibility crashed, I took to the dirt roads and the sage hills and pedaled my bike towards clarity. What became clear is that yes, the process of making my dreams come true is going to be a rollercoaster, but I don’t have to ride it. I am grounded in my wonderful family, my beautiful community of friends, my beloved baked goods, and where would we all be without bikes?! I am safe, I am whole, and I am me regardless of when or where or how The Kitchen Project plays out.
AND…if you are interested in hearing more about The Kitchen Project, please email me at email@example.com -with Love <3
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