I’ve been feeling this weird sense that I’m trapped. The heavy gray clouds have really worn on me lately. I am one of many who claim to be solar powered, and living in Tucson, AZ and now “Sunny Gunny”, CO allows me to recharge almost daily. When there are five or six consecutive days of precipitation varying from rain to sleet to snowflakes the size of my face, something feels very wrong. Sometimes I forget how much the weather affects me and I just feel like something is wrong with me. I feel a need to escape.
Last night, as I was in the deepest part of my whine-about-the-weather hole, Jefe reminded me that this moisture will brighten the sage hills and bring the most beautiful wildflowers we can imagine. I replied, “Well that’s good because right now all I’ve got are you and baby cows.” Not that those two items are anything to complain about, but my soul has missed warmth, color, contrast, vitamin D!
This evening after work, the clouds had broken enough that more rain and snow didn’t seem likely and the blue sky was making a much needed appearance. We got out of our work clothes and into our chamois as fast we could. Helmet? check! Water bottle? check! Bike? check! Light? check! Sunset rides are the greatest. A sunset ride after feeling like you haven’t seen any colors besides brown and gray for a week are tear-jerkingly gorgeous. Everything around me was glowing. The contrast of light and shadow in the last few hours of the day was augmented by the contrast between what had been quite the dismal mood and the rejuvenating gratitude that now fills me.
Pedaling through town and toward that amazing granite outcropping – Hartman Rocks – that is my backyard, I was overcome with gratitude. Just hours before I wanted to run away. Now all I want is to be here forever. It’s a challenge to be present in an uncomfortable moment. But that discomfort truly does add to the sweetness of life.